Something happened to me the other day that triggered an instant feeling of hurt and even a streak of anger. I was so consumed by the happening that it completely altered my mood. I thought to myself, ‘how long are you going to allow this memory to have that affect on you?’ So after doing some journaling and reading, I was able to collect myself and keep it moving; however, I couldn’t help but wonder how other people deal with instances identical to my experience.
We are hosts to collected pain, so we all have these moments. From memories of our first heartache to the latest travesty of senseless killings of Black men and women by the police, we harbor feelings of hurt, disappointment and inadequacy. Much like the extensive amount of bags that caused the sistah to miss her bus, we carry the trauma of our ancestors as if their subjugation has been weaved into our spine. Some memories we continue to experience because the wounds remain scabbed, fresh, and open; others are indistinct scars that have gracefully healed over the years. The longer we ignore what’s truly bothering us, the deeper the wound becomes.
Our minds collect all of the emotions we experience — including the words we consciously or unconsciously think of that trigger unwarranted feelings. In those moments, it’s important that we allow ourselves to feel the pain that comes along with recalling those unfortunate situations or unfavorable sentiments because as we fail to do so, we end up hurting worse…or longer. Often times, we get so overwhelmed by our emotions we forget the single, most important fact about what we’re going through. Pain is for the living – those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime. Perhaps God had a different path for us in order to marshal a specific type of personal development that requires trauma for its genesis. What hurts us can definitely cripple us, but it can also shape us into something more powerful than we can phantom.
There is an intense calling to emotional freedom — deliverance from emotional bondage —within each of us, if only we would get quiet enough to listen to the spirit, patient enough to try, and enduring enough to persevere. The pain and heartache will be there… The question is whether or not we have the audacity to transform it into something that can refine our soul. When we allow ourselves to live a life of wholeness, we open ourselves to being present to our wounds. “The wound is the place where light enters you.” — Rumi, is one of my favorite quotes as it reminds me that every wound is an assignment, and every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us or offers a cautionary tale. These lessons may teach us to become stronger. To communicate more precisely, without vagueness. To trust our instincts. To try something new. To forgive. To know when to let go. To convey our love, to master a new skill or to never look back.
We are not who we used to be, and for some that can be a good or challenging thing — either way, it’s okay. Over the years, many things have happened— things that have diversified our perspective, taught us lessons, and forced our spirit to grow. As we’ve gone through multiple peaks and valleys, these instances have made us who we are today. Bottom line, we must allow ourselves time to heal, or we will continue in a cycle of loathing that prohibits us from flourishing. Prioritizing our healing allows us to look at our wounds not as markers of defeat, but as opportunities to gain new wisdom through the pain and hurt we’ve experienced. It invites us to embrace a new, stronger version of ourselves. So whatever our wounds, remember fortitude doesn’t come from comfort; it comes from expanding our comfort zone and conquering everything we once thought we couldn’t handle. When we find ourselves at our most harrowing points in life, we are open to the greatest opportunity for devout change.
Setting boundaries is SELF-CARE. Inner peace begins the second you decide to never let another person or event control your emotions…
Remember, everyone benefits when you love yourself. K?
Photography by: @that.girl.pq
Ankara dress worn 2 ways, sponsored by Nubian Hueman